Reaching Blindly chapter 3: Storms and Heartache

Reaching Blindly
Chapter 3
    Jeff fought to run against the wind as he made his way to the nearby village, not daring to go into the same shop as before.
    I think the store clerks would prefer it if I didn’t turn up and cause another disturbance like earlier, he thought. Not like it was your fault, his mind argued back against itself. Yeah, but I wouldn’t want to go back anyway. Those guys are jerks.
    He could barely see the neon sign in the window of the store as he passed by; the rain was getting extremely heavy now, and he was soaked through and through, black hair plastered to his face.
    He finally pushed himself inside, the automatic doors closing behind him and keeping in the warmth. As he made his way around the aisles, he noticed not many people were around. Probably indoors nice and warm, when BEN feels better I need to teach him to shop every now and again... He mindlessly grabbed items as he strode down the aisles. Lucky I have some money left, otherwise we’d be starving for the next few days. Jeff smirked half-heartedly, despite himself.
    Walking down the last aisle to make sure he wouldn't miss anything they might want, Jeff noticed a few of the store clerks beginning to board up the windows. He caught the attention of one male clerk, a thin, lanky twig of a man. The guy smiled at him politely, obviously knowing what what Jeff was meaning to ask.
    “Last time we had a storm this bad the windows bust open! The whole thing cost us hundereds!” The clerk resumed nailing the boards to the wall and Jeff went to pay, thankful that there was no queue due to the lack of people there. I guess this storm is gonna get really bad- good thing I came for food when I did.
    Making his way back home was harder than ever; the deluge had only gotten stronger, and he had to carry all the shopping bags too. Jeff, absolutely drenched, couldn't see a thing, and the bags only seemed to get heavier.lighter. It was more than half an hour before he got home. ‘I hope BEN’s alright; I took a lot more time than I expected’.
    He glanced into the living room and was surprised to see BEN not lying on the couch where he had left him. He went to bed, Jeff told himself. I’ll just be quiet and take a look- don’t want to wake him up, the storm will do that well enough.
    He tip-toed into the kitchen and packed away the food quietly, then went to BEN’s bedroom. He stood outside the door, listening for any noise. He was confused to hear a very familiar sound; something that sounded exactly like when he cut his victims up slowly, wanting to prolong their torture. With a strangely sick feeling, Jeff, being as careful as he would be when sneaking up on a target, opened the bedroom door and used the reflection of his knife to give himself a view of what was taking place inside the room. His eyes widened considerably in amazement to see BEN sitting on the side of his bed, knife gliding slowly across his wrist, a trail of black blood following in it's wake. The killer noticed, in strange mixture of fascination and horror, that there more cuts identical to the one BEN was inflicting on himself; countless ones, some big, some small. Jeff almost would've froze in shock, were it not for the deep feeling of anger and protectiveness that blazed furiously in his heart. He tossed the knife to the floor, not able to store it in his hoodie as he had shed it on the way down the hallway, and flung the door open, the knob banging harshly against the wall. The loud noise caused BEN to seemingly wake up from a trance, his blurry eyes blinking as if to focus. His gaze fell on Jeff, and his nearly ceased to beat for a moment.
    The albino panicked; he didn’t know what to do, he knew what he was doing was wrong, but it felt right. He deserved the pain he told himself, but he hadn’t planned on anyone finding out, especially not Jeff.
    Wait, why especially not Jeff?
    An ominous silence passed between the two of them as Jeff eyed the numerous cuts on his friend’s arms, almost seeming to drink in the fact that BEN was trying to end his own mortal life. Nose scrunching up and eyes narrowing dangerously, he exploded.
    “BEN, what the FUCK do you think you’re doing!?” Jeff, through clenched teeth, was seething with barely contained anger. BEN dropped the knife and stared at Jeff, scared of what he might do. He’d never seen the killer so angry before, and that was really saying something. Jeff advanced towards BEN, eyes full of rage and an emotion the ghost couldn't identify.
    “Answer me BEN!”
    BEN just looked at him helplessly, rendered completely speechless, as if he were a child caught with their hand in the cookie jar.
    “I-I…” He choked, not able to form a comphrehensible response and he sunk into himself, waiting for the hit. Under the friendship that they had once shared, BEN was still truly afraid of Jeff. He jumped when he heard a dull thump. He dared to crack open an eye, and was stunned to see Jeff, the notorious murderer everyone thought to be made of stone, on his knees in front of BEN, head down. His fingers dug into his hair, pulling with violent force. BEN could tell, from the way the killer trembled, that he was crying.
    BEN didn’t know what to do. Why was Jeff crying? It was BEN that was hurting himself! Jeff wasn’t in pain… right? BEN felt his heart shatter at the broken form in front of him. Jeff was tough, he didn’t cry. BEN’s eyes widened at that thought; he was thinking just like those bastards on the news. He suddenly realized that he was doing to Jeff exactly what the camera and reporters did to him. It was a thought that horrified him.
    He needs this, he thought. Whatever it is that’s upset him, he needs to let it out. And without a further thought, BEN leaned down next to his weeping friend and wrapped his arms around him, eyes closed, waiting for the male to feel better. No matter how long it takes, he promised silently.
    It seemed like hours until Jeff finally calmed down, leaning into BEN’s arms. His damp eyes looked up and met with the glowing crimoson irises that belonged to his once best friend.
    “Jeff?” BEN didn’t really need to say it- Jeff knew what he wanted to know. He took a shaky breath and pulled himself out of BEN’s protective embrace, wiping his eyes with his pale hand.
    “BEN, I-I’m sorry... It's just... knowing that my best friends is hurting himself... and that I couldn't do anything about it... God, I'm so sorry. It's just, if I ever lost you, I don't know what I would do. I don't want to lose you, just like I did Liu...” He hung his head in shame, until he felt BEN lift it so that crimson met turquiose.
    It was surprising how alike two things, or people, could be without realizing it. BEN, shocked by his friend's tears, didn’t tell him to stop; he didn’t hate him or make fun of him for it. He let him cry because he wasn’t like those he hated so much. Jeff was upset because he knew someone was in pain and he couldn’t help it- though he felt he should- like BEN when he couldn’t rescue Silver. But he was different, he wasn’t going to let BEN die, he’d do whatever it took to make BEN happy, even if he didn’t realize just what lengths he would go to yet.
    It was surprising how alike two people could be.
    As they both gazed into each other’s eyes, BEN shook his head.
    “Don’t be sorry Jeff. Nothing that's happened has been your fault.You can't blame yourself... like I did with...Silver.” Jeff opened his mouth to reply but BEN put a finger over it, shushing him softly. “Listen to what I have to say.” Jeff nodded slowly, and BEN carried on. “I thought I deserved the pain, that it was my fault," his eyes directed towards the cuts that were now sealed; Jeff knew cyber deities healed very quickly, and for once was glad for that.
    "Since I didn't save him, I thought I should hurt, but now I realize I don’t deserve to be in pain…anymore than you do. It wasn’t my fault that Silver died beacuse I couldn’t do anything about it, and you can’t do anything about these,” he pointed to the deep gashes in his arm. “Neither of us deserve to hurt, Jeff.” BEN gave a small smile to Jeff, and the killer returned it with one of his rare warm smiles.
    Wow, BEN thought. That was deep for me. I should think like this more often. That’s when he came to a decision, one that would change his life.
    “And that’s why, I’ve decided to return to my proxy status,” he looked at Jeff, waiting his reaction. He was pleased when the male gave another smirk.
    "You're going back to the mansion? I'll come with you if you want." The killer offered. BEN shook his head, knowing that even though both had left the mansion, the cyber ghost was the only one who gave up his label as Slenderman's proxy and head spy. For a moment, his mind was overcome with memories of their old home. How they had shared a bedroom and were so very close- like brothers. How, even if he was wrong, Jeff always stood up for BEN. And then BEN had decided to leave, and the rift between them only grew over time. Jeff, before all this, hadn't heard from his friend in over a year. Although he didn't know it, BEN constantly thought of the raven-haired killer, but he never seemed to be able to work up the nerve to see him again for reasons he never quite understood himself. BEN jerked himself back to reality before he delved too deep into his memories. He offered a hand to Jeff as he stood.
    "No, it's fine. I'll wait for a while yet, though. I don't want to start anything yet... not until I'm mentally fit to shoot back a witty retort," BEN laughed under his breath, watching Jeff roll his eyes and stand up, brushing the knees of his jeans off.
    "That's the BEN I know and love," He scoffed, then motioned for BEN to follow him out of the room.
    "Of course, though," BEN retorted, flipping his hair as if he were the most fabulous thing in the UnderRealm. Jeff couln't help but snort at the display.
    "I’m starving,” The murderer said suddenly, a hand over his rumbling stomach. BEN snickered.
    “Agreed, what are we eating?” BEN licked his lips thoughtfully. Then came up with a totally BEN-esque idea. “How about ramen?” Jeff laughed.
    Jeff laughed? BEN thought, Damn, I didn’t think it possible, but it sounds really nice. BEN’s eyes half closed without him realizing it, luckily Jeff didn’t either.
    “You must be feeling better BEN. Well, I suppose I can stomach it today, but this is the only time I will EVER eat it, be warned.” BEN nodded, knowing for whatever reason, the pale man hated even the sight of ramen. The cyber ghost always assumed that he just had a bad expierience with the quick-fix noodles in the past, but never asked about it.
    “Fair enough, fair enough.” Five minutes later they were sitting on the sofa watching T.V when the news came on- It was the same report as earlier.
    “God, can’t they just let it die?” Jeff immediately regretted his choice of words. He looked at BEN, apologizing with his eyes.
    “Don’t worry, I was thinking the same thing. But, I’m sure they’ll find a much better story in my "crawling back to Slenderman on my hands and knees"." He chuckled to himself, “I can just imagine their faces now.” Jeff smiled, this was the defiantely BEN he knew, making humor out of a situation that was totally depressing. That was something he liked about BEN.
    What? Like? Did I just…? So I like BEN Drowned, the "madman" who controls the internet? He looked at BEN, who was smiling to himself and obviously enjoying the ramen. Jeff blushed furiously when he saw BEN turn to look at him.
    “Are you okay, Jeff?” Jeff nodded numbly.
    “Y-yeah, I'm fine.” BEN smiled and changed the channel, watching Jeff out of the corner of his eye. Is he- is he blushing? That was so cute! … Cute? Oh my god, no! I did NOT just think that! Bad, bad BEN! But why was he blushing... does he like me too?
    He looked at the killer. Jeff looked back.
    “What?” BEN opened his mouth but just couldn’t seem to get the right words out.
    “I... ummm, I... do you?” He sighed. "Never mind,” he waved his hand at Jeff as a signal not to ask. The raven-haired male shrugged, never one to press.
    I wonder what he wanted to ask me.
    Just then there was huge rumble of thunder, and a deafening screech as a great oak came tumbling down onto the house of BEN Drowned.